new song

I love this dress. I got it because it felt work appropriate and I’m always trying to find a balance between work and fun in my clothes. Reading the sartorial guidelines on a possible new job opening……. I am very much off the mark. Haha! It’s way too short and of course I cannot ignore my instinct to pair it with bright colours (so bright here). Oh well. No job yet. Maybe a break instead.

That said, I’ve been very obsessed with Akiko Yano (again & again & again). My latest favourite song is with YUKI! Formerly lead singer of super obnoxious pop punk band JUDY AND MARY, who has a child-like, off-kilter and high-pitched voice. Naturally, I went through my JAM obsessed phase too so it’s cool to see them intertwine. The song is a duet with YUKI & Akiko, covering the title track of Yano’s best albums: Gohan ga Dekita yo (Dinner’s Ready). I’ve only read and half understood the songs but according to Kayo Kyoko Plus “the singer[s] sound like a particularly welcoming Mama armed with a hot pot of soup.”

The google translate works for me too though:

It was fun too
I was happy also today.
Although I cried a bit
It is such energy

never wallowing in its own simple words:

I was sad.
It was sad.
Although I laughed a bit
What will it be …

You can find the duet with Yuki on the 2006 album はじめてのやのあきこ. Akiko and Yuki’s voices go together so well. And the double layer if singing such simple words in “child-like voices”, which is of course not simple at all but imbued with a very deep sense of nostalgia.

This version on youtube seems to be only Yuki singing which is also quite lovely!

 

roooood

 

So anyways I was sad today and then my second Orla Kiely shoes arrived which went perfectly with the dress I just put on and they go so nice together. That’s such a cute coincidence and I needed to document that. It’s the coincidence I want to share not the shoes & the buying & buying & buying. Feelings, smiles and good things. That needs to be remembered. I need to document these tiny moments that make me smile more. Will you help me? Like give a shout out whenever and say hey what’s yr outfit or what was good today, eline? or something?

Ever since my last exams in December & January I’ve been extremely Not Well (mentally). And just like the shoes in my last post I got them on ebay in a panic-fueled-stress-impulse purchase. I have been sucked in those moments quite a lot lately. I need to stooohhhhp. But that small piece of adrenaline I get, the short-lived illusion of happiness when spending money, all my money and just letting myself go for once, like I can breathe for five minutes (and then the panic comes knocking right on time) is so hard to resist. I feel like this glass version of myself and it cracks and cracks and cracks and soon there will be nothing more left to crack and I’ll be gone. Physically, mentally, both? I don’t even know. But I feel like I’m at a border that I never want to cross because I don’t think there’s a path to turn back. But I’m just being pushed towards it little by little and I’m scared.

Clothes, makeup, shoes, bags, skincare…. it let’s me breathe just for a bit. Some will cry out CAPITALIST CONSUMER CULTURE HAS TRAPPED YOU. But you forget the love I have for clothing, my personal rituals, myth and becoming/being I’ve woven around it all of that. And oh yes, of course my relationship with consuming is warped.

But I’m trying to be easy on myself.
It’s difficult.

greedy greedy greedy

 

Th exact moment I forgot how annoying taking outfit pics can be, screaming (whisper) to myself WHY? Because I love everyone who checks this lil space out once in a while.

Resignation: nap while standing.

Shoes by Orla Kiely, dress from a magical attic where vintage treasures made in exactly my size are silently waiting for me. Earrings by Poola Katarynya.