I think writing can do me some good, so here I go again.
Last night I was a mess; I must’ve cried for over four hours before I could calm down a little and fall asleep. When my alarm clock went off I felt better but when I was doing my every morning routine I realised I’d gotten up an hour too early, and honestly all I wanna do right now most is sleep sleep sleep. Every other thought weighs heavy.
Still, I got excited to pull on the pants I found yesterday; I already knew I needed to pair it with this gingham shirt and this yellow blazer/jacket. I was looking for some socks and when the orange longdogs stared up at me and did not think twice. Blue heels because why not. Pink jacket because it’s my go-to 70s finisher for an outfit! Beautifully finished by the Muchacha cat bag I was gifted at Christmas; I think my reaction upon receiving it was something like ‘NOOOOOOOO nooo noo!!! no!’ and fiercely clutching it.
Begrudgingly I went to class because this particular class makes me anxious considering it’s in a large auditorium and the continual whisperings and snack wrappings make it hard to listen, but also because I dislike the professor. In his first class he mentioned Malevich’s black canvas was placed in the corner as another “new oddity” in modern art, while in fact it was placed there to link it to Russian icons, which are traditionally placed in a specific corner of the room. I don’t want to be an asshole student and know-it-all but my fellow students have found occasional mistakes as well. He’s probably not a bad tutor but he seems to want this first level class over so bad he overlooks details. He also talks as if it’s the last place on earth he’d ever want to be and its tone makes me sad and extremely unmotivated. I just wanna throw a tomato at him.
I walked out after an hour and a half telling a classmate I was off to find some food. (Food at home.)
The weather’s spring-like; the shadows are cold and the sunspots are cripy warm. I took a bus that allowed me to walk by a river and watch ducks and various other water birds for a little while. I meowed back to some and got psyched to see the coots are building their cute round nests again. I looked forward and saw a cat rolling around joyfully in a dusty, sunny spot and tried to be as quiet as could so I wouldn’t disturb the cat’s pleasure. I jumped up and down for a bit until I tried to reach the cat, but it hid in some bushes. I said bye while it look at me through some leaves.
My lipstick makes me happy; there’s so much glitter in it.
I ate. I tried to study and thought I was doing well until I looked at the time; my progress is incredibly slow. I will have to give preference to the harder courses and maybe skip those classes and study alone instead. I don’t know. I hope I won’t feel sad later on tonight. I might take my textbook and use it as evening literature before I go to bed. I hope I can eat, too.