Ghosts, haunt me, fascinate me. I was not quite sure why until I realized many ghost movies & stories are about repression & the resurfacing of traumatic memories. You can can both see this in a political and personal context. Ghosts and their vague border between reality and irreality are also perfectly suited for the medium of theatre, movie, photograph, actor as ways to think about memory & identity. Ghosts are part of the living haunted and ask: why have you forgotten me, why have you repressed me? and bring terror until they are again remembered and past-now-future isn’t clearly seperated and defined anymore; it cannot be forgotten, it’s one and the same.
This is both soothing and terrifying for me. In so many mays I feel like a ghost myself, like I’ve had to exhume parts of me willingly and unwillingly, for life, for sanity, for school, for money, for others? It often seems my anxiety are my past selves haunting me, truly terrorizing my body to get back into my. But there is no more space, and ghost-past-self you have terrified me so much. But I will not and cannot be an empty shell of myself, walking so lightly I am almost not in a room anymore, being so quiet, having empty spaces in my head. I want to merge again, bad and good with my old selves, because this is not me anymore. I refuse it to be.