dematerializing

I mean….

My essay for Issue Four of Doll Hospital Journal! Click here for details. & buy buy buy ASAP if you’d like a hard copy edition of Issue Three! We’re currently accepting pre-orders til April 2. Not only will you get a lovely book to sit-stop-read, get calm, feel understood or get a chance to read others’ experiences with mental health. A digital copy of our latest will zoom right to you.

No white-washing, manic pixies, romanticization of our issues. Just you & you & you & you (& me) & maybe you too some day. All of our selves are still horrifyingly underrepresented. Mental health, in general, is across all our media oversimplified, villainized, victimized, erased, used as cheap plot devices, 2 minute entertainment, large-scale political trickery… What else?

Our illness is the easy solution to justify that terrorism is and always be an outside threat. It’s only a poor lonesome white wolf. He owned a vast collection of deadly paraphernalia and a manuscript detailing his future actions? Well, of course, he must have been mentally ill. Poor little white boy. Must be psychopathicismer or whatsit. White boys just aren’t capable of rage, are they? It’s something biological, you know, it just can’t be helped.

Our illness is an excuse for reprehensible crimes. I heard Sickly Dicky Trump must have a personality disorder, that’s why he may come off as a little volatile. Let’s forgive his orange crisp skin. He must have been lonesome as a child, don’t you think? Manipulation, treason and censorship… well, it just can’t be helped. Give the poor man some space.

Still, it’s funny. There’s thousands of listicles floating around the internet diagnosing anyone up for the public spotlight (even if dead). I’ve waited ten years for help. Of course it’s hardly affordable or I could stop my life for a couple of months. Funny still, my country has great health care that had a plan to reduce therapeutic costs this year. It’s hysterical: therapists voted against this. Hilariously, I’m white, I’m of the “correct” nationality and I have a good support system. My health care plan is top-notch. But why am I still here? Why am I to blame? I feel sick.

And these are just such little things compared to most. And this is really why I find Doll Hospital so important. It says it’s ok. It’s for you, yourself; everyone. For the fourth time Doll Hospital Journal has stayed away from all those stereotypical nonsense lies yet again. It’s hard and easy and difficult but wonderful and necessary. Everyone is welcome. Welcome to write or submit visual works (though we do need more visual artists right now!). Come hang out with us. Share your frustrations, create something with your anger or have a good, nice cry.

 

soft bip


I love how these turned out! I don’t really ever truly like my outfit pics but these some sort of vintage vibe and the colours are wonderful. The colours were born while I was trying to get rid of the yellow light in my room…Then there was also this one, in which I wanted to show my makeup… Sorta…. Also sorta 90s. Love it. In the second pic below you can also see my earrings that often look like strings of hair on the other pics. Kind of…. “found” them ahem…. will probably permanently loan them, I love them & it’s fun twirling the metal strings round your fingers. Oh and the most beautiful of all, is that they reach til uhh…. the….. you know the bones below your neck? I am tired but my memory is also a cheap sieve. Anyways that looks hot when I wear a sleeveless dress. If you wish you can scrutiny every detail a lil larger. All pics are clickable and should point to a bigger file.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anyway: dress from a secret treasure & earrings too, shoes were a gift and my jacket was second hand.

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shoes: gift – dress: Pepe Jeans – shirt: gift – top/vest: gift

Ohhh I look so tired and I’m only just getting started with my exam prep! Yikes.

Anyways just wanted to share this outfit because I have the time and luxury today while I procrastinate on studying the French Nouvelle Vague. Also, this semester I’ve been interning, which propelled me to dress a little more adult-like, and sometimes stricter too. When I had a day where I wanted to speak up and be heard I applied my eyebrows stronger, and wore an aggressive red lip with darker outfits and some designer stuff to give me some courage. Of course, I still allowed my usual whimsy on easier days. People definitely noticed me, and often assumed I had some sort of authority whereas I am just a lowly intern, hah! It felt pretty good. I’m realising I can manipulate, at least somewhat, how I am seen and perceived and it feels very powerful. Also fun. Very. It’s also exhilarating to realise I can do this with the closet I already have; somehow I always assumed I’d have to buy more work-appropriate clothing but I can definitely make do with what I have and love. Luckily, I’m in a creative working environment so my usual eccentricity is allowed. I hope I can continue along this path in my career. Both in the way of dress and the creative path in theatre! The internship has been chaos, confusion, cringe-worthy, but at the same time it’s also been incredibly fun and it’s opened my eyes to a lot of the processes behind theatre & more (i.e. C H A O S). Anyway it’s been fun and I’m psyched that my exams are over early so I can wrap up two projects and probably start a new one too.