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pants, shirt: second hand, shoes: UP

Money worries are clouding my mind a little too often for my own good lately, and I feel sick. In that state of mind, I think I’m noticing some things more intensely than at other periods of my life. Lately, I see so many unconscious message regarding caring for yourself, listicles on how to escape your mental health issues, only by the gathering of material possessions. And like, fine, yeah, of course certain material wealth will make you breathe better, like owning a house, being able to afford your bills regularly, all of that…. all blisses I’m striving to afford one day. But too often in this discourse the sole focus becomes material possesions and that’s just… that’s kinda fucked up, no? Of course, this isn’t the internet circa 2008 anymore where we built a community amongst ourselves, lots of corperations are butting in; listicles, non-thought provoking txt posts and light self-help articles with bright and airy pictures of happy women are easy to consume, and away from our busy lives we want care-free and light on the stomach and mind internet time. And I think this is partly why the conversation surrounding self-care and so on has so quickly turned to “treating yourself” solely with purchasable items, rather than cost-free actions to maintain or improve your (mental) health. Also: capitalism, duh.

This is what I’m thinking about a lot lately, and there’s so many layers and twists and turns to this, I could keep myself ruminating till I die. (Will I? Maybe! Save me.) But you know, I look really cute in these three euro pants, one euro top, borrowed bra and belt, and shoes I won for free so there’s that. But that’s not what makes me feel good though. It is the act of making myself up makes me feel good, the act of matching and picking and looking for the perfect silhouette of the day makes me feel good. I feel comfortable and happy and joyful when I wear how I feel. It’s not about the cost, I could be wearing 1000 euro Comme des Garçons (please, please gimme) but the end effect will always be the same. Putting on heels makes me feel good, beause they make me tall and I like that so much as a small girl. Posing, uploading and handclap emoji’s in replies make me feel good. (Okay I’m the one handclapping emoji’s to myself