bird

Working full time for a little while both my mind and my body have shut down and I can’t do much more as soon as I come home. I am already on edge and exhausted and my bones are riddled and smudged in a coat of thick anxiety. It’s clear now that my brain and body cannot handle stress and that has made so many long-term plans and ideas and goals disintegrate right before my eyes because there is just so no way I will smother and kneed and hurt myself to fit in whatever this is and what this world wants me to be because clearly my brain and body was not designed or designated for this and it sucks and I wish it weren’t so but I feel what’s most important to me, right now anyway, is to be myself and do in life things that are slow and feel good rather than fit in your suffocating mould and work my butt off for things I don’t even know I want. But basically all I am saying right now is I am really really really prone to depression apparently due to a low stress level, and it sucks but it’s okay too because I want to make that work and not make myself change and work like this or that day in day out because I think I would be able to do that, not change for anyone or anything I mean, not now but some day any way, I mean most of my life I guess and not now but I guess some day. Anyway all I’m saying is I am beat and tired and I feel like giving up, not in a sense of all of it and completely and wholly but this, now, and doing only the bare necessities and earn some money but nap a lot and just not move any limbs for a while any more and then rest and then see how I feel even and I am determined that bright and loud colours will cheer myself up and it’s not working at all but damn it if I don’t look cute while doing so.

12 Comments

  • In a bid to not sound condescending/patronising I sincerely hope you feel better and less sore.
    Much Love.

  • Oh my goodness, Eline, everything you have written in this post I have thought in my own head a million times. I always criticize myself for having such fragile nerves and a low tolerance for stress and pressure, but reading your thoughts gives me an enormous sense of solidarity. But oh how I wish we could live in a simpler world devoid of stress, negativity, anxiety and only full of pretty things and sweet people. I have loved your blog for a long time, and I think you are just wonderful!

    Sending you tons of happy energy,

    Hana.
    hellodollyvintage.blogspot.com

  • Hi Eline,

    I genuinely empathise with what you write. In the most painful states of mind I think remembering that “this too shall pass” can help a tiny bit. I have anxiety and depression myself, have done for a long time.

    All I can say is that I understand from what you’ve said (although of course we don’t all have identical experiences of these problems and I would never try and say I fully know what you might be going through.)

    I love your illustrations. I love craft and drawing and all sorts of art and I think your work looks so dainty, striking and gentle. I think you’re very talented and have such an instinctive sense of colour. You always look stunning in your outfit photos- I enjoy seeing the characters you create.

    Best Wishes,

    Liz xx

  • You sound ALOT like me in this post… I am in a job I REALLY don’t like, but I plan on putting the money towards something I really love and want to do in the future. I wonder daily if it is truly worth the physical and mental demands though. I sincerely believe that for both of us this to shall pass 🙂

    Quirks of Blazoning Pens

  • you’re not the only one with anxiety! find something you really love to do or read or watch, it helps me!
    by the way, great background and bag and i love your outfit-nice skirt and jumper.
    xx

  • Ugh, zo voel ik me ook al een tijdje. Ik werk ook fulltime en krijg heeeeel weinig betaald, ik doe het voor de ervaring maar leef wel in armoede, en heb na het werk gewoon geen energie voor andere dingen. Ik durf er ook niks van te zeggen dus ik zit nu in een vicieuze cirkel, blah. Ben al veel te lang niet op je blogje geweest, maar hou je wel op Tumblr in de gaten;) Trouwens, hele mooie outfit. Vind die tas geniaaaaal. Waar vandaan?(a)

    x
    Michele

    • It saddens me that Eline is feeling bad and I hope that she ‘ll become happier in the near future.

      And I just wanted to say that I made her that bag and if you want to order one just let me know. I make every purse by hand so if you wish to make any changes, know that everything is possible.

      Ik zie dat je zelf ook van België bent dus verzending zal goedkoop kunnen. Ik heb al enkele designs gepost op mijn facebook.
      https://www.facebook.com/events/465470250138320/

      Hopelijk tot snel ^^
      btw mijn tumblr is : https://fabshley.tumblr.com/

    • Hey, kheb je net n comment achter proberen laten maar kben nogal suckie in tumblr 🙁 dus ik weet niet of je hem al hebt gekregen. Ik heb die tas ontworpen en als je er zelf eentje wilt kan je ze bestellen op maat, kzie dat je niet zoveel geld hebt dus we kunne wel n prijsje regelen. Hier heb je wat voorbeeldjes van mijn collectie en mijn tumblr voor n repsons.
      sorry als je dit nu twee keer krijgt. https://fabshley.tumblr.com/
      https://www.facebook.com/events/465470250138320/
      ^^

  • I’m sorry to hear you’re not feeling well but I hope this will change in the near future. Never forget that you’re an amazing person and we adore you for staying true to who you are.
    x
    btw: You’re an inspiration to many of us XD

  • I love your outfit. Simply love it. And I hope you’re better soon. 🙂

    birdiewearsatie.blogspot.com

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