coral gardening

dress: second hand, boots: shoe discount, sweater: Louche, earrings: second hand

This sweater was expensive to me but after waiting for an hour an a half in freezing and snowy weather for a friend (!) a voice just kept whispering to me ‘treat yourself treat yourself treat yourself’. And so I did. I used to yearn so much for items like these, hating myself because I couldn’t afford any of it but after setting myself limits towards my shopping behavior and ultimately really looking into the workings of it and myself I realized that what I wanted was not the items, but the lifestyle they sold to me; to be able to carelessly spend such and such amount on dresses not even perfectly suited for me but suited for a carefree twenty-something, hip and cool and smooth and funny and sociable and pretty and most of all: happy. I am not even half of that but truthfully? Half of the other I don’t even want to be and, the one I wanted most; happiness, is to be made on my own terms, not clothing. Now, I’m just exasperated that I could ever want items whose price/quality/originality ratio is just not good enough for me, not suited absolutely perfectly, not worth that money at all (for me). Though I still go in hip&cool boutiques like these, touch the fabrics and scowl sadly because it’s a dream that shattered before my eyes, it’ll never be real! I can never buy a dress that will melt all my issues away. Stupidly I still really do wish it could.


  • I love the bold, bright colours in this outfit! I know what you mean, about buying things not for how much you really like them but for what they say to society. I know that I do this too. I think we are all searching for freedom and happiness in our lives but it is often really difficult to find, and we have to realise that material objects won’t give us this. I know I am guilty of this myself. This was a really thoughtful blog post, and pretty enlightening too.

  • I have the same jumper, but in a different shade of blue. I bought it in the spring when I got a tax rebate and it seemed like an incredible luxury/novelty to have any money at all and be able to buy something new, and then afterwards I felt really panicky and bad about buying it, like you did. I’ve worn it so many times since then though, because it seems to go with everything and is really comfortable and warm, so now I don’t feel bad about it, because if you divide it by the times I’ve worn it, it’s incredibly cheap now. I bought a cardigan at the same time, and sometimes I have to force myself to wear it, because it’s too nice, and I worry that I’m “wasting” it by wearing it on a day when nothing special is going to happen. That’s probably not the best way for me to look at it.

    • I always divide prices per times of wearing too! And yes, this sweater was worth it, and I knew it was worth it. No regrets, it’s a very hip colour and shape so I know I wouldn’t have been able to find it second hand, and it’s such a fresh colour that’s an absolute welcome in my wardrobe šŸ˜€

      I have a hard time keeping things for special occasions though, the way I see it every day is a special occassion because you’ll never know what’s gonna happen and even if nothing happens it’s the beauty of the cardigan that wil be special then because you deserve specialness and beauty in every day! ^o^

  • I relate so much to your thoughts in this post. Also, on the ‘dress-up to kick depression’ side of things and mixed feelings towards your wardrobe in your later one.

    Thank you for posting this, really. And for putting more bright colors in our lives, obviously.

    You are a true hero. ā™„

  • (PS: Louche is an awesome brand but so expensive indeed. Been scoring my only Louche possession and official Dream Sweater on Ebay… just a tip… šŸ˜‰ )

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