hot & broke

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leggings: Marimekko, top: second hand, shoes: UP

When you’re a long-time broke babe, you know that as soon as you have some form of money you need to sit on it like an anxious mama hen brooding on her eggs. But you haven’t been able to breathe for so long, enduring suffocation by money-related anxiety and feelings of intense inferiority because to be A Person is to have Money, that’s what everyone keeps telling you. To be a person is to consume. To be alive is to treat yourself to something you enjoy. No matter what, this is what you feel, you know intellectually that this is false, but you can’t shake the innate feeling of being a worthless lump of space if you can’t ever have nice things. I know intellectually I don’t actually need things, but to feel it is an entirely different thing. So I treated myself to what might be my last Marimekko sale item because my secret haunt has seemingly stopped stocking Marimekko. I treated myself because I am cute and had a little money I shouldn’t have spent. I treated myself because broke people deserve nice things too. It makes me feel worthy living and breathing and that’s fucked up but that’s capitalism for you, I guess. It’s fucked up but I can’t shake this feeling and I might not ever. But that’s okay, I am someone who has intense feelings about cuteness, clothing and various aesthetics, so I deserve to own this. But also, don’t I just look superhot? (Yes.)

5 Comments

  • Oh wow those leggings are so amazing. It’s important to treat yourself even if it’s tough to do so. xx

  • Its good to treat yourself. Its hard not to spend when we are all so greatly influenced by consumerism… A splurge onece and a while should be okay. But stay being a mama hen lol. Love this outfit sooooo much

  • yes! (both to hotness and to money feelings) as a card-carrying member of the holy order of the perpetually broke i f e e l y o u about money/worthiness. not only, like, /in general/ as a person, but also as somebody who blogs about their clothing, i always feel less relevant b/c i lack buying power. in reality, i’m most innovative with clothing that i’ve had for years or got for free, but that’s the satisfaction of craft & intention vs. the glamour & novelty of a new thing — sometimes you just need/”need”/need? the thing on the rack that takes your breath away, if even for a moment.

    “To be alive is to treat yourself to something you enjoy.” is a perfect line b/c it’s something that our mothers/the beatles/inspirational fridge magnets would tell us is false (all u need is love, u can’t buy happiness, etc. etc.), but it feels actually quite painfully true on some weird exuberant-yet-insecure level that (i suspect) has a lot to do with being young and a girl on the internet (i mean, everybody is influenced by capitalist rhetoric, but there’s a particular way that it works on the Internet Girl i think)

    • YESSS EXACTLY!!! In regards to being an Internet Girl though, I’ve consciously stopped reading a lot of blogs and my want for clothes slowly but eventually drastically lessened ! I’m currently also really enjoying more creativity with clothing I’ve had for a while, and I think this is actually something really worthwhile to show off online because we are definitely not alone in this struggle of needing and showing creativity love and fun with old clothing/clothing you use over can be really inspiring, if not inspiring for others it’s definitely inspiring for myself when I put it online hah.

  • I know this feeling all too well! You look awesome and your newest treat is gorgeous. 🙂

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