mignon, kawaii, schattig, cute

A personal extension to Antifeminist Frills which I wrote a while back.

Looking cute, effeminate, child-like and girly, combined with my white skin and small posture. I look very non-threatening, I look like the ideal infantilized girl, ready to be dominated; this is what many men and pop feminists and alike see.

I cannot believe I need to point this out,

but even though I put a lot of thought and importance in it, my clothes do not define me; they are a personal experimentation both in aesthetics and a tool in finding my way in life by trying on different colours, outfits and personas. Cuteness, for me, has been a powerful tool to transcend what’s expected of me and get over an awful body image by dressing overtly cute, overtly colourful and, for a long while, overtly ugly, too. For instance, I have dressed in a way that I found aesthetically revolting back when my mind was very set in finding only distinct garments and specific colours “flattering” on my body and it has helped me get out of those patterns, and ultimately that silly little choice has also helped me get out of negative thinking patterns, too.

What I wear is not radical; I don’t actively fight any kind of patriarchy or set standards because my clothes fit extremely well with my white skin tone and small stature and hetero looks. A brown girl in equally cute clothing, same with a person of a different gender, and so on, will have a wildly different experience than I would in the same outfit. I look non-threatening, but my smart mouth and eternal scowling and criticising everyone and everything constantly (why shouldn’t I? I deserve only the best!) makes people find me intimidating, but doesn’t matter: my personal sartorial choices are a life tool for me and for me only.

Do not, do not ever, and I mean do not even get near me when you think of equating my aesthetic choices regarding my body with any man because I am sick and tired of being asked on the importance of the male figures in my life and my own voice and choices being tied to male opinions. Do lolita-esque outfits sexually repulse men? I don’t really give a damn, but I ABSOLUTELY HOPE SO.

I wish I didn’t have to point this out: I am my own person.

What is seen as cute is seen as weak, too. Am I perpetuating an age-old feminine weakness by dressing like a child or should we start to critically examine and dismantle our connotations of why exactly cute and feminine means weak and a revert of your feminism? Do you want to perpetuate the idea of feminine weakness? Am I perpetuating this idea by dressing as such?

Let’s start to think about our language, ideas, the rigid patterns and its connotations we’re all undoubtedly stuck in. Let’s start pointing things out.

This is my life and feelings, so chew on this while I continue my august break!


  • Nicely put.

    I just had a read of one particular bitch fest blog for the first time as soon as they seemed to actually talk sense regarding the IFB FUBAR, but my jaw was resting on my toes when I saw you there (looking lovely btw).

    I guess if I don’t watch out I might make their inappropriate footwear files one day.

    What a pile.

  • “Do lolita-esque outfits sexually repulse men? I don’t really give a damn, but I ABSOLUTELY HOPE SO.”

    Aha, sometimes I feel this way too. After getting out of a relationship where my partner felt uncomfortable about the fact that I wear thigh high socks (really? of all the things…) I’m inclined to not really give a damn about what “guys” think. And I say that in quotes because newsflash everyone: men don’t all think the same either. There is no male hivemind. I hate the sweeping statements about how “thing x doesn’t appeal to men so you shouldn’t do it”. It disenfranchises both women AND men.

    I feel similarly to how you do about pop feminists and the like. I feel like there’s this whole pressure now to “express your sexuality” to the point where, if you don’t, you’re doing womanhood wrong. You can’t even escape sexuality if you try, because if you try to go in the other direction then you’re just infantilizing yourself for men instead of being a strong and independent (but still very much sexual) woman. Boiling everything down to sex is simplifying at best and extremely detrimental to how women think of themselves at worst. But of course, that’s how it’s always been.

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